.Be You.Be Authentic.

I can’t get over the smell of you. When I say smell, I am not talking about an odor. I’m talking about the fragrance you wear. You use the same cologne no matter what the occasion. Every time you gave me your jacket or sweater to keep me warm, I can just smell you in your clothes. When you lay in bed next to me, your scent remains even after you leave. Sometimes when I’m alone, I’ll put on your tee shirts because they smell like you. It’s as if you have your arms wrapped around me when I wear your clothes. Boy, you don’t even know how crazy I get when I smell someone with your cologne. It sends chills through my body because I think you’re near. I look around but I know you’re not here. You instantly take over my thoughts with a single whiff of your cologne. No, you take me to a paradise with a whiff of your cologne. I’m at peace because of your smell. I can just close my eyes and take a sniff. Each memory we ever shared begins to play. I can’t help it, I have to text or call you at that very moment. Although its the smell that gets me excited, the smell is nothing compared to the person that wears it. When I say I love your smell, it’s just another reason why I love you.

What makes one an artist? The way I see it, imagination is what sets an artist apart from the rest of the world. The ability to make something out of a random thought. One word turns into an entire story. A single shape turns into a portrait. Even a simple heartbeat can turn into a catchy melody.

Being that we work off imagination, there are no limits to the things we can do. Skills however, have limits. Imagination, has no boundaries. Our work inspires all those around us. Our forms of expression gives others food for thought. We have the capability to make reality out of the feelings others keep hidden inside.

For my fellow artists that keep their work hidden from the world, I am truly disappointed. Why be a writer if you don’t share the thoughts in your head? Why be a singer if you won’t let anyone hear a single note? Why bother painting a picture if no one can see it? ….Is it because it’s not good enough?!

Quite frankly, when it comes to self expression there is no such thing as good enough. Expression is not defined by the quality of work. Yet, it’s measured by how relatable it is. As long as another soul can understand what you were trying to do with your art, it was a true success. That’s what makes an artist so special. An artist can relate to others through expression.

Don’t be afraid to express yourself because I promise you, someone else feels the same exact way. Being an artist isn’t about making millions and billions of dollars. It’s about bringing the world together. Unlike other trades, our work never dies out. Even when we pass on, our work continues to be shared.

If you haven’t already, share your art with someone. Let the world see your talents. Bring everyone together with your work. Make a difference using some creativity because that’s….what an artist does.

I’ve crossed so many minds yet, I never seemed to go beyond a thought. I’ll get that occasional text asking how I am and where I’ve been, but when the conversation ends I’m no longer a concern. It’s as if I’m too boring to talk to for long periods of time. Maybe it’s because I’m not interesting enough to hang around with on a regular basis. This leaves me renting one mind until I find another I can entertain. I wish it didn’t have to be like that. I wish I could find a mind I could occupy full time. If I could manage to do that, I could make home out of someone’s heart. That will be the day, when I wouldn’t have to go from place to place like a nomad….yeah, one can only dream.

Have you ever witnessed a smile that changed your life? You just go about your business, but when you see this smile nothing else seems to matter. This girl I met just happened to have this smile. Her smile was truly stunning, but as I got a hold of myself, her beauty just overwhelmed me. She had vibrant red hair that just complimented her soft caramel complexion. She had lips that made you want to kiss her just to savor the taste of them. Her eyes kept you at peace, as if nothing could ever go wrong. Ugh…I can admit I am crushing but can you blame me? If you ever meet someone that can take you to another world without doing anything at all, they just deserve all of your attention.

She’s my forbidden love, only because I can’t seem to have her. Each chance we get, another excuse overpowers us. As much as we want to be together, we move in opposite directions. When I’m with her, things just seem right. We play it cool but the longer we spend together, the closer we get. I try to get a hold of myself, but I can’t resist her. In a matter of minutes I’m all over her. I love the taste of her lips. I love the softness of her skin. I love her touch, her smell, her voice, her…everything. I’m sure if you asked her, she would have a list of things she loves about me as well. Although we both know it, we never admit it. I refuse to tell her because she refuses to tell me. I know in my heart we are good, but I just needed to hear it to be sure. Friends tell me I should go for it but she’s already with someone. She settled for another guy because she couldn’t wait for me. I don’t know why she claimed to be waiting when we always had each other. It makes no sense. Regardless if we manage to be together or not, I’ll always love her.

I remember when I had my first writing classes back in elementary school. My teacher used to tell me when you write, to do a first draft before you write the final copy. She said it was ok to make mistakes because that’s the point of a draft. She would tell me to use a pencil so I could always go back, erase my mistakes, and add corrections accordingly. I never used to listen, I always used a pen.

There was something about a pen that I always loved. Once the ink hit the paper, there was no turning back. Even when you cross a word out, you still could see what the original word was underneath the scratches. I thought life was like using a pen. You couldn’t erase the choices you made, you just had to learn from your mistakes.

Although I liked the idea of a pen writing your life story, sometimes it is better to use a pencil. I wish you could use a pencil in certain situations like when you write about your feelings. It would be nice to erase pain and replace it with some joy. How about taking away tears and putting in some laughter? Think about it, switching boredom to some fun would be so much easier to do with a pencil.

Unfortunately we can’t make changes so easily. Unlike a Scan-tron sheet, our life can only be done in pen. Although we can’t take away our mistakes and struggles, we still choose what we write in our story. It’s ok to make mistakes, that’s the point of having chapters in your story. Make each chapter count and if things go wrong, you can make a turning point during your next chapter. There is no time limit on finishing your story, so take your time to write your masterpiece.

We had a mutual friend. That mutual friend was my best friend, she was his girl. They dated a few times before I actually met her. When I did meet her, it was nothing special. I thought she was cute but that was my boy’s girl so I didn’t think much of it. She thought I was cute too but she was really into my boy so I was just irrelevant to her.

We couldn’t help but to be in each others company, my boy always brought her around. I didn’t want to be rude so I made an attempt to get to know her anytime she was around. Out of love for my boy, I treated his girl with respect. Although I was doing it for my boy, she began to respect me for being so welcoming. As time went on, me and her began to connect with each other.

She was still with my boy but they weren’t that crazy about one another. They spoke to one another like every other day and went out just about once a week. Sometimes they would fight with each other and come to me individually for some advice. I was the reason they stayed together. I reminded them of all the better qualities they each possessed.

Each time she came to me crying, she left me with a smile on her face. I had all the qualities she wished my boy had. It wasn’t surprising that she began to fall for me since I was like her knight in shining armor. I was always there to rescue her as her day was hitting a downfall. I didn’t mind saving her because, seeing her smile just made the effort completely worth it.

My boy wouldn’t break up with her because I convinced him that she was the real deal. She didn’t leave him because she did like him so she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. On the other hand, she wanted to be with me and asked for my support as she broke it to my boy. I didn’t want to get in between them. I didn’t have the heart to do it. I couldn’t put this girl above my boy no matter how much I liked her. I only knew her because of him so it wouldn’t be right if I took her away from him. I told her this was a bad idea.

She found the courage to leave my boy on her own. She told him that she liked him but she also had fallen for someone else. He was hurt but realistically, he understood. She came to me with the great news while my boy came to me to vent a bit. I had to choose which one I’d sit there and listen to and I was stumped. She was the girl I could only dream of yet, he was my best friend. I had to turn her away to be there for him, she understood.

He told me how much he really liked her. He couldn’t stand to see her with someone else so he wanted me to tell her that she couldn’t come around anymore. When I told her, she couldn’t believe it. She asked me what would happen between us, I had no answer. I wanted her as much as she wanted me but we knew this couldn’t happen. I wouldn’t know how to look my boy in the eye if I started dating her. I told her goodbye because losing my boy wasn’t worth a girl.

I began digging my own grave ever since I was a child. It first happened when I lied to my parents by blaming my kid brother for something I did. I think the rush I got from getting away with something I did wrong, made me want to lie any chance I could.

It started off small as I blamed others for my actions. Later on, I started bending the truth a little just to make myself seem cooler than I actually was. Over time, my lies became more creative. Instead of short statements, my lies became actual stories. I had a reason for everything. I was just so quick on my feet.

I was truly dedicated to my craft so I always stayed consistent with my lies. If I told a lie to one person, I ended up saying the same thing to everyone else. I had to cover my own tracks by making everyone believe every statement I made. When you spoke to my friends they would tell you the same lie that I told you. Although it sounds great that my friends would back me up, truth is that I never told them what I said was a lie.

Yeah, I know it’s terrible that I’d lie to my own friends. I couldn’t help it but then again, were they really my friends? They only knew the fabricated form of me. They couldn’t tell you one honest thing about me. Even the way I spelled my name was in error just so no one could ever search me.

My lies began to consume me. Each lie I told made my grave even deeper. I came to a point where I began to believe my own lies. I didn’t know what was true anymore because my whole reality was a lie. When I looked in the mirror, I could even introduce my own reflection as someone else.

I don’t know who I am. I don’t know anything about myself. I can’t remember which lie was the last lie before I completely lost myself. All I know is that my grave is too deep for the real me to come out. I wish I could take back all the lies I ever told. Well honestly, I just want to take back the first lie I ever told because that lie was the true death of me.

Please excuse my silence,
Disregard my facial expressions,
Ignore the fact that I’m not in my most jolliest of moods.

I get that you care,
I understand you want to help,
But allow me to handle my issues on my own.

Give me space,
Grant me time,
I promise I’m ok, I just want to be alone.

Surround me with emptiness,
Allow darkness to hide me.
Put distance in between me and company,
Let loneliness embrace me.
Give me a corner to sit in, an entire room would just be unnecessary.
Play some silence in the background, I don’t want to hear anything else.
Make it okay to keep my chin down, I don’t want to use much effort.
I just want to shed a few tears to clear some unwanted thoughts.

We all accept the love we think we deserve. Anything more is unnecessary and anything less is unfortunate. No individual is beyond another’s league however, we tend to feel as if we don’t have a chance with certain people. Excuses are passed around like a disease to quarantine ourselves from getting what we know we deserve. Is it truly worth it to lose an opportunity to be with someone that could possibly complete us?

Think about the happiest couple you know. Look at how they pair up. If you took away what you know about them and just judged by looks, would you have put them together? It’s not often you find a couple that just looks so good together and by any chance they do, it’s their chemistry that makes them look good. Ask them how they met. Ask them how they knew. The stories are rarely so random that you wonder how it never happens to you. Honestly, do you allow it to happen to you?

Next time you come across someone that catches your interest, approach them. I don’t mean to make a move on every attractive person you see. Find common ground and some similar interests. Build off those qualities and then move on to other things. Don’t be discouraged because your self esteem runs low on a daily basis. Whether we are big or small, confident or shy, we all have someone out there for us. Just allow yourself to meet someone you know you deserve because quite frankly you absolutely do deserve it.

She had 4 years on me. That’s about 1,460 days and about 35,040 hours in between us. When you add the distance from where each of us grew up, we were in two different worlds. We didn’t know the same people nor did we visit the same places. We don’t share the same hardships in our lives and we hadn’t experienced the same challenges in life. Even with all the differences somehow we just clicked.

When we met, it was a natural connection. We didn’t need to introduce ourselves, we just went straight into conversations. When we told each other our stories we felt as if it was a story of our own. One conversation led to the next, the next led to us having insiders with one another. In time we moved from talking to just hanging. Since we didn’t have many similar interests, hanging turned into trying new things. When our personal interests collided, I can honestly say it was the true definition of living. She made me feel alive.

Subtract the difference of our age, all the miles in between us, and take away all the days it took us to meet….what are you left with?….You’re left wondering why we aren’t together. It would be simple to just take away everything so maybe both us had a chance to be happy but that isn’t the case. You can’t subtract our past nor could you add a future. All you really are left with is the present.

Presently, none of the variables matter except for the age difference. When she looks at me, she sees struggles. She doesn’t know if I could provide all her desires while being so young. She doesn’t see the maturity if things were to go wrong. She has no hope, or at least it’s hard for her to have much hope. This is why she overlooks me. She knows I’m there but it seems as if I’m unnoticed.

Friends tell me, “Why don’t you show her you can be that guy? How about you make an effort to be an option for her?”. Do I really need to make the effort? If our time together is that great, she wouldn’t throw in excuses to keep us apart. I don’t have a problem living up to expectations but that’s not what I look for in a relationship. I’d prefer to be with someone who accepts me as I am and watches me grow into something better. Instead of me trying to live up to expectations, I’d like to take the time to make reality of our dreams and fantasies.

It would be perfect to have what me and her have without all the hassles. I know that every relationship has struggles but I’d rather us face struggles together than struggles with one another. I guess I may have the wrong equation. It’s not because of her excuse about my age that we aren’t together, we aren’t together because I refuse to play part in her expectations…..yeah that should sum it all up.

When going out on a date turns into spending a lifetime together, I get a little worried. Don’t get me wrong, I want a long meaningful relationship. However, I am afraid I will run out of ways to express my love. What’s worse than actually being together for so long is when she asks me what I love about her. That question just leaves me speechless. I don’t want to sound like any typical guy telling his girl how he feels.

I love everything about her, but that’s not a valid answer. I refuse to mention how I can’t live without her. I avoid saying that I wish we could be together forever. I don’t like to talk about her natural beauty or her style. I hate bringing up how much I love her eyes and her smile. It’s not necessary for me to speak about how she looks in the morning when I first open my eyes. Nor is it ok for me to bring up how I feel when I am around her.

Everything has been said, so what am I really left to say? I wish it was sweet to say, “I love you because you don’t give me a reason not too”. That would make my life so much easier. Honestly, saying that would probably be as bad as not having an answer at all. Ugh… I hate building relationships. It’s great until the whole thing becomes a cliche….

I can’t even recall my last date. I try to stay away from everyone because loneliness seems like the only option that best suits me. I say I am single because I am looking for that right person to give my heart to, however, that really isn’t the case. I don’t want to be in such situations because if I fall in love, I’ll be in my most vulnerable state. I don’t want to get hurt but then again, who does?

…It was truly a fun night. I didn’t think I would’ve enjoyed myself as much as I did. It went from a simple dinner and movie date to something more. As we walked through the city just enjoying each others company, I knew there was this special connection we shared. I couldn’t help but to look at you the whole night with admiration. Your laugh would keep me at ease while your smile kept me at peace. I was in the most relaxed state I had been in, in years. I guess you can say that’s the effect you have on me. I truly couldn’t remember the last time I had felt this way.

This put me in a predicament. I stood next to you in the middle of Times Square. It was a chilly night so we stood as close as possible just to keep warm. I stared into your eyes hoping to see what your mind was saying. I could tell the silence and the biting of your lips that you wanted me to kiss you. I smirked at you because deep down there is nothing I’d like to have done more than to kiss you this at that very moment. Although I want wanted to, I knew I shouldn’t. Regardless what thoughts ran through my mind, I kissed you anyway.

I hadn’t had such a passionate kiss in so long. I swear I was in another world as our tongues made a knot together. I couldn’t hear anything because our heartbeats drowned out all the noise around us. I tightly grasped your waist as I continued to kiss you. My eyes were closed but I could just picture happiness. That feeling going through my body was truly amazing.

When we both parted ways to go home, I couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss. As I thought about it more and more, fear got the best of me. I began complicating the situation in my head. Now I couldn’t even tell where we stood in our relationship. Were we friends? Were we a couple now? Did I even want to be a couple? Was I ready for a relationship? I didn’t know, I didn’t think so. My uncertainty made me believe I wasn’t ready. What do could I tell you though? Should I be honest and tell you that I wasn’t ready? But if I wasn’t ready why did I even kiss you? This made no sense. How did a simple kiss come with so many complications? Ugh…I wish I didn’t even kiss you at all.